all i do is rot. i am rotting. everyday. in my room. in my bed. on my floor. less in my car. not with my friends. when i see them. i need to text zoe back. she must hate me. its been 3 weeks. or 4. ive lost count. i love her so much. and i promised to call her. but never did. i hope she doesnt hate me. but id understand. i wonder if my dog knows i love him. i hope he does. i hope he likes my nose kisses. and my hugs. he seems so sad lately. and its my fault. paul is in paris. i went once. i hope hes enjoying it. paris is rly hot this time of year. getting him a birthday gift. something cool. im so thirsty. and i dont want to go downstairs for water. and see my mom. and roll my eyes. when she complains about my dad. and asks me why ive been in bed all day. cant you smell me? rotting. and asks me to walk my dog. no thanks. i need to read more. i started a list. 3 weeks ago. or 4. its not done. maybe ill finish it today. i said yesterday. and the day before that. victoria has been so kind. such a great writer. so much better than me. she wants me to read a new piece. i love her. so i will. soon. please dont hate me. my comments will not be good. and she doesnt need them. or me. all i do is rot. R-O-T. rot. and i smell. i need to take a shower. and go for a run. not in that order. im fat. im getting fatter. and all my friends hate me. except the ones that dont yet. thanks. music is boring me. except lana. i dont think my brother knows i love him. i love you bakari. i miss the beach. its too hot. planet is melting. but i have ac. inside my room. you cant come in. yeah. i know its hot. sorry. i want to be alone. four hundred and fifty one unread text messages. i cant read. even one. i dont know why. i dont know why. i dont know why. i miss my friends. dont hate me. im sorry. i missed the deadline to submit housing form. leverett house admin wont respond to my email. they hate me. and theyre going to make me live with the rats in the basement. and laugh. sure. im gonna kill myself. not actually. why do i keep saying that. im ok with my life. yeah. these days. the mosquitos know. theyre already eating me. and it hurts. fools. im not dead. all i do is rot. and pirate modern family. can they smell me? im sorry sofia vergara, ignore me, i will take a shower. soon. its just ive been worried about my sister. all the time. i cant stop. i cant breathe. help. and i cant sleep. at least not on time. woke up at 5:31. pm. duh. im chasing the sun. why does he hate me. do i smell that bad? he laughs at me. from outside. and its too hot. out there. no ac. no cool air. and im out of breath. and STOP. EVERYTHING STOP. and
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one rotter to another this is real. things will clear up when they want to (and they will!)
i love you kyson i would never not love you even if you were a rotting pile of flesh and even if you never respond to my texts